This month’s special guest is Bill High, the CEO of Legacy Stone, a ministry to the church providing small group curriculum, workshops, teaching and training. Legacy Stone is pleased to release its newest small group and on-demand curriculum: The Family Conflict Blueprint. Bill is a speaker, teacher, and author including the upcoming book co-authored with David Green, the CEO and Founder of Hobby Lobby: The Legacy Life: Leading Your Family to Make a Difference for Generations. Bill has been married to Brooke for 37 years, and they have 4 children, 2 sons-in-law, 1 daughter-in-law, and 5 grandchildren. He lives in the Kansas City area.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
What does it take to be a winning father?
Sometimes it simply takes the smallest change, the willingness to wade into the fray. Do you remember Joseph in the Bible? He’s the favorite son of his father Jacob. So favored in fact that the scriptures are careful to record:
Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons because he was the son of his old age. And he made him a robe of many colors. (Genesis 37.3)
When we read that verse with our Western mindset, we might well think, “Well, we get it. Jacob’s old, so if he wants to spoil his baby boy, then let him do it.” But that’s the problem. There’s a lot more going on in this verse, and unfortunately in our families, than we are willing to address.
First, we must acknowledge that the Bible was written from a Middle Eastern context. In that vein, we know that in Middle Eastern culture that the oldest son was the one to inherit a double portion and lead the family.
Joseph is not the oldest son. Reuben is the oldest. In fact, there are 10 other sons in front of Joseph—all who could stand to inherit before Joseph.
By giving Joseph the multi-colored coat, Jacob is essentially saying to his other sons: “Joseph is going to inherit—not Reuben.” And if you know the biblical story, Joseph is back in the tent with Jacob while his brothers are in the field; Jacob sends Joseph to check on his brothers. In essence, Jacob is preparing Joseph to be the manager of the family.
By making Joseph the heir over his brothers, Jacob has unnecessarily inserted conflict into his family. For his part, Joseph doesn’t handle his status well. He flaunts it. In fact, he tells his brothers his dreams where they will bow down to him; they will be subservient. No one likes to hear that! On the other hand, his brothers fear for their own well-being. They’ve been laboring for years building their father’s estate with the distant promise of inheriting someday. Now their little baby brother is going to take it from them.
The brothers conspire and get rid of Joseph—the heir and their competitor.
But the story isn’t about Joseph and how he overcomes great odds to rise to prominence. The story is as much about a father and a family and how they ultimately come together.
From a biblical context, the Jewish readers of the day would have seen the failing of Jacob—not just Joseph, not just the brothers. As a father, Jacob failed to lead. He failed to step into the fray. He allowed the hostilities to brew. He failed to curb Joseph’s swelling ego. But he also did nothing to calm the concerns of his other sons. To the contrary, he added fuel to the fire, when he gave Joseph the ornate robe. The failure to lead, the failure to address the family conflict ultimately bubbled over and led to 20 years of family grief.
What was the simple lesson? Family conflict is a reality. We can’t avoid it. It won’t simply go away. All Jacob had to do was to recognize his reality. He could have easily held a family meeting, curbed Joseph, comforted the other sons, and recognized that Joseph would care for the family as a whole.
That’s what happened anyway. After Jacob dies, in Genesis 50, the brothers come to Joseph and seek reassurances, and Joseph responds, “I will provide for you and your little ones. Thus, he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.” (Genesis 50.21)
Do you want to be a winning father today? Recognize that conflict is a reality with your family. The wise father steps in to address the conflict and encourages communication around family conflict. The wise father further encourages the family to work together as a team to advance the gospel call together.
Win today and win for generations by addressing conflict as a family.
* * * * * * * *
Legacy Stone, a ministry founded by Bill High, is dedicated to equipping families to intentionally build a multi-generational legacy of faith. Recognizing the increasing need for guidance in navigating faith and family values, Legacy Stone provides practical tools and resources to help families:
- Discover their unique family purpose: Moving beyond mere survival to a God-centered vision for their family.
- Cultivate a healthy family culture: Building identity and defining behaviors as a family that lives out their values and vision.
- Develop a plan for intentional legacy building: Creating tangible ways to pass down faith, values, and wisdom to future generations.
* * * * * * * *
Follow Raising Christian Kids On:
Be sure to listen to our podcast!