Mother’s Day guest blogger, Laura Petherbridge, is an international author and speaker who serves couples and single adults with topics on relationships, stepfamilies, singles, divorce prevention, and divorce recovery. She is the author of, Stepfamilies of the Bible: Timeless Wisdom for Blended Families, When “I Do” Becomes “I Don’t”—Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce, The Smart Stepmom, co-authored with Ron Deal, and 101 Tips for The Smart Stepmom: Expert Advice From One Stepmom to Another. Her website is www.TheSmartStepmom.com.
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Mother’s Day is a special day of the year when moms are honored, valued, gifted, appreciated, and loved by their children and families—deservingly so. Loving Moms are special people who sacrifice their own desires for their children’s best. They pray for their happiness, health, safety, wisdom, discernment, and future focus to be steeped in God’s plan. This unique holiday celebrates the precious gift of motherhood that touches the hearts of so many.
But, sadly, for some women, this special day only triggers pain, grief, frustration, and tears as they are reminded of the reality that their lives have not been, or are not, what is depicted on a Hallmark Mother’s Day card.
Mother’s Day can be especially painful for the woman who deeply desires to have a child but cannot. My friend Cathie explains, “During our journey through infertility, I wanted to escape on Mother’s Day. But then I quickly realized it was another mountain of grief for me to hike.”
Stepmoms often express things like: “I’ve never given birth, but I fill the same role that a mom does. I do everyone’s laundry, make dinner, drive the carpool, help with homework, and comfort the hurts. As a stepmom, I have all the responsibilities of being a mom but none of the perks or recognition. I understand that my stepkids have a mom, and it’s not me.” The women who fill a mother-like role in a child’s life experience deep hurt when they feel dismissed or ignored or unappreciated.
I recently talked with a woman who lost custody of her kids in her divorce. She is devastated, overcome with guilt and shame. Her former husband has remarried, and her children live with a stepmother in a beautiful, lavish home. This divorced mom struggles alone in a small studio apartment. She knows her kids prefer to be at Dad’s house, filled with computers, toys, games, and TVs. To this broken woman, Mother’s Day isn’t something to celebrate; it’s a megaphone that screams to her: “You Are a Failure.”
Mother’s Day can be deeply hurtful for the woman who has lost her own mom and is no longer able to sit with, phone, text, or hold her mother’s hand. Even for those anticipating a heavenly reunion, this holiday can sap all joy and render them broken.
Lest we forget, there are tens of thousands of women who have had an abortion. For those who regret that decision, Mother’s Day can be excruciating. It’s a prime time for the enemy of our soul to stir up guilt, shame, loneliness, humiliation, and self-loathing.
Then there are those women who have experienced abuse and/or abandonment at the hands of their own mothers. Mother’s Day is an annual reminder that they were rejected by the one person who should have been there for them, who should have protected them and prepared them for the world.
It is certainly not my intent to make this Mother’s Day a sad, depressing, or guilt-ridden moment for anyone. What I would really like this holiday is for each of us to take a moment to think about the women in our lives – family members, friends, acquaintances, co-workers – who might not be able to experience the love and beauty of Mother’s Day the way we do. Then . . . .
Ask God to bring to mind a woman you know who might be struggling this Mother’s Day. Reach out to her and remind her that she is loved by God, that she is uniquely created by Him, that she is valuable, and that she is “seen” by you and others. Your words and heartfelt concern for her can turn her Mother’s Day into a special day for her this year.
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