Guest Blogger Michelle Watson Canfield, PhD, LPC, is a national speaker, author, licensed professional counselor of 28 years, and founder of The Abba Project, a nine-month group forum for dads whose daughters are in their teens and 20’s. She writes guest articles regularly for journals and magazines (online and print), as well as her own bi-monthly Dad-Daughter Friday Blog, and has been interviewed on numerous radio and television programs.
There is nothing better than Christmas traditions that create powerful bonds and lasting memories, especially between family members. Yet, before I tell you about an annual tradition we used to celebrate in our family, I want to tell you a little bit about my dad, Jim.
He grew up on the south side of Chicago in the 1930s and 40s. It was a “survival-of-the-fittest” neighborhood, which led to my dad being in gangs from the time he was 12. Add in the challenges of having three different fathers throughout his growing up years, it translates to him having absolutely no template for how to be a father.
My dad’s dad wasn’t present for much of his life. When he actually was home, he was often in a drunken stupor with unfiltered bouts of anger. By the time my dad was a young adult, his father was homeless, living in a railroad boxcar, suffering from the devastating effects of alcoholism.
Fast forward to when my dad was in his late 30s, married, and a father to three daughters (his fourth daughter would be born years later). It was then that he attended a Christian men’s conference where they were given a challenge. They were asked to identify specific ways to let their kids know they were special and valued. His thought: “Since I have daughters, I think perfume might be a good thing to give them.”
With that one bold invitation, Perfume Day was born.
For about 25 years (until each of us got married and then my dad handed the baton to our husbands), on December 23rd or 24th each year, my dad would take my sisters and me to downtown Portland for lunch and then to Nordstrom to find one perfume as our Christmas present from him. And if you’ve looked at the prices of fragrances lately, you understand what a huge investment this was!
It’s important to note that my dad didn’t just hand us the money and wish us well as we headed to the perfume department on our own. Instead, he came with us and enjoyed sitting on a chair in the middle of it all, taking in each scent up and down our arms before we chose the special one we wanted. He participated in every minute of the experience, including the myriads of photos we took to document the journey.
As you can imagine, we always drew inquiries from bystanders who were clearly intrigued watching this event unfold, which led to our repeatedly sharing the history of Perfume Day. Every year we’d hear saleswomen say things to us like, “I wish my dad would do something like this with me…you’re really fortunate.”
Now if you’re a dad to sons and think this idea excludes you, I have a creative spin on this just for you!
Why not start a similar sensory tradition with your son where you take him to a store and together choose a cologne just for him. You could even use this as an opportunity to talk to him about girls and dating since most females I know really do love when a man wears a good scent!
Let me share why this one act will go a long way toward reaching the hearts of your daughter or son.
Experts say our sense of smell is the strongest of our five senses. Not only that, but olfactory nerves stimulate the primitive part of our brains that stays in our long-term memory and corresponds to motivation and emotion. This intricate wiring in our noses means that a certain scent can activate a powerful memory because it often outlasts other memories that are carried by our other four senses.
Dad Translation: By initiating an aromatic experience with your daughter or son that revolves around choosing a favorite perfume or cologne, you’re creating a sensory memory that will last for years to come. And every time they wear that scent, they’ll be reminded of your love for them.
Talk about a deposit with dividends that exceeds the investment!
One last thing. If your daughter isn’t fond of perfume or your son isn’t into cologne, you can always do a variation on this theme. Now, I realize that their sense of smell won’t necessarily be activated by any of these things, but they’re still great alternatives because your kids will have these tangible items for the rest of their lives as a reminder of your love for them.
A few alternative suggestions:
- Go to a favorite bookstore and walk the aisles with your daughter or son, taking as much time as they want while following their lead. End with buying a couple of new books.
- Find a paint-your-own-pottery store and decorate a plate or bowl separately or together, even if neither of you are great artists.
- Attend a cooking class where you enjoy new flavors and foods. Then purchase a new utensil or cookware for their culinary collection.
- Go to a Lego store and let them choose a unique set that has special meaning. Then spend time putting it together at home while talking about anything and everything in the process, bonding as you work as a team.
As we take time during the month of December to celebrate Jesus coming to earth as a baby, it will take intention and commitment to make sure HE is the center of our worship rather than the gifts and busier-than-normal schedules and tricky family dynamics.
Although perfume and cologne are amazing gifts, at the end of the day, it’s actually less about the scents or cents and more about making a forever deposit with the investment of your time and attention to enjoy their interests with them. This type of intentional bonding, as you start a new tradition, is what truly makes the most sense.
The bottom line is that no matter how you choose to make a lasting investment in your daughter or son this holiday season, rest assured they will always remember the extraordinary ways that you showed them your love when expressed from your heart.
Merry Christmas, Dads!
* * * * * * * *
More about Dr. Michelle: Her best-selling book, Dad, Here’s What I Really Need From You: A Guide for Connecting With Your Daughter’s Heart, is followed by her most recent field guide for men, Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters (both available on Audible). She has also written contributing chapters in Fathers Say and How to Disciple Men.
Dr. Michelle hosts the award-winning The Dad Whisperer Podcast, which is available on her website and Apple + Google Podcasts, and Spotify. She also co-chairs the Father-Daughter Initiative at the National Center for Fathering with her husband, Dr. Ken Canfield. They reside in Fayetteville, Arkansas near their tribe of 28, which includes five children, three son-in-law’s, two daughter-in-laws, and 18 grandkids.
CLICK for Dr. Michelle Watson’s Website
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drmichellewatson
Instagram: michellejwatson and thedadwhispererpodcast
Twitter: @mwatsonphd
LinkedIn: Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield
The Dad Whisperer Podcast: Apple + Google Podcasts, Spotify
YouTube: @thedadwhisperer
* * * * * * * *
